Sunday, September 20, 2009

My personality

Today after church I went over to Francis and Rachel's house. I've made it a habit of going over to their house and just talking with Rachel about work, love, marriage, kids, roommates, dating, just life in general. I've come to really enjoy those talks and can count on leaving their house feeling better than I did going in. Today Rachel and I got talking about the color code of people's personalities. For those who don't know what that is, it's a personality code based on what motivates people and it's separated into four colors, Red, Blue, White and Yellow. I've heard of the theory and have always been interested in personality tests and things, so naturally I had to take the test which was in a book Rachel had. I took the test and the result is I am dominantly blue, next highest is White and then Red and Yellow tied. I ended up reading the section of the book where it describes in detail the Blue personality and it was very interesting. Some of the details were of no surprise to me while others were new revelations and insights and now I've been thinking and analyzing myself for the past couple hours and I've come to terms with who I am. I will now share a short list of quirks, pet peeves and insights about me in relation to my "Blue Personality".

1). I am very critical of myself and others
2). I make decisions emotionally
3). I need human interaction, contact, and a way to emotionally connect with those around me.
4). I am a perfectionist
5). I need order and routine in my life.
6). I have high expectations for myself and others which leaves me prone to disappointment and frustration.
7). I am extremely loyal to my friends and family.
8). I am a deep thinker. I often find myself contemplating and looking deeper into situations and relationships.
9). I am a silent observer of things and people around me, constantly analyzing and making judgments.
10). I am very intuitive.
11). I have trust issues
12). I have many talents and gifts but because of my self-critical attribute I tend to hide them because in my mind there is someone who could do it better than me.
13). I feel like good behavior should always be a priority, I get really bugged when people are rude, disrespectful or inconsiderate, especially in situations that in my opinion deserve reverence.
14). I do not communicate my feelings very well. Not to say that I don't like talking, in fact quite the opposite, I love to talk, but when it comes to expressing myself I find there are no words to describe the complex mess of my inner-most feelings.
15). I do things right the first time and struggle to delegate things because if I want it done right I will most likely do it myself.
16). When people hurt me I just pretend like it wasn't important enough to get that upset about, bury the feelings deep inside and then, over something very little, I'll suddenly explode and release all the pent up feelings of hurt, anger and resentment. (not good, I know, I'm working on it)
17).I am a nurturer. I love to take care of people and be in a position where I feel like I can make a difference in someones life.
18). I am control freak. There I said it.

I don't think of myself as a complex person, probably because it's usually pretty easy to tell what kind of mood I'm in, but because I am emotionally driven and my emotions and moods change so frequently I may appear to be complex when in reality I am just being me. It's as simple as that.