General Conference

I was sitting on the top balcony and I had my camera zoomed in as far as it would go and I know this picture is fuzzy but I still think it's cool.
My family, Ryan, Mom, Dad, and Ciara. I know that flash photography is technically not allowed in the conference center but what are you gonna do?


I went to the Sunday afternoon session of conference with my family and I loved every minute of it. I love spending time with my family and especially in a setting such as conference. I've never been a huge fan of actually going to the conference center to listen to conference. In my mind I don't see a point in getting up, showering, getting ready, driving into or close to Salt Lake, fighting the traffic of other cars and people and then sitting in semi-comfortable seats for 2 hours and then going back into the battle zone of people and vehicles to go back home when I could have spent all that time on my couch in my comfy pajamas. To me it should be clear which option sounds more appealing. BUT as much as I love to sit in my pajamas all day I will admit that it was a really good experience to actually go to the conference building. I've been before but it was several years ago and I had forgotten how awesome it is to see the swarms of LDS people flooding the streets and knowing that you have so much in common with them and feeling some kind of connection with them because you are all there for a common purpose - to listen to the prophets of God and other leaders of the church.
There are two moments that made the trip completely worth it. The first is the instant silence and reverence that washes over the entire building when the prophet walks into the room. It was amazing that although no one was talking, or moving and barely breathing I could feel and hear the Holy Ghost bear witness that Thomas S. Monson is a living prophet of God. The second moment was being in the building when Jefferey R. Holland spoke and the 3 seconds after he left the podium. In those 3 seconds I'm positive that the 20,000 people in the room who were holding their breath through the entirety of his talk let out their breath all at once and I actually heard that soft sound of breath being let out and then a slight rustling sound as everyone kind of shifted in their seats. I LOVED Elder Hollands talk and I would definitely say it was my favorite of all the sessions. The power in his voice as he gave his testimony to the world of the truthfulness of the Book of Mormon was unreal.
Being there with my family was awesome. I love spending time with them and sometime during the meeting I just looked over and saw all of the sitting there in a row listening to the speaker and I could help but feel such a sense of gratitude for my family and for the relationship that I have with each member. I am so blessed to have been born into my family. I love that the plan of salvation allows me to be with them forever. I only wish I lived closer to home so I could see them more often.

My personality

Today after church I went over to Francis and Rachel's house. I've made it a habit of going over to their house and just talking with Rachel about work, love, marriage, kids, roommates, dating, just life in general. I've come to really enjoy those talks and can count on leaving their house feeling better than I did going in. Today Rachel and I got talking about the color code of people's personalities. For those who don't know what that is, it's a personality code based on what motivates people and it's separated into four colors, Red, Blue, White and Yellow. I've heard of the theory and have always been interested in personality tests and things, so naturally I had to take the test which was in a book Rachel had. I took the test and the result is I am dominantly blue, next highest is White and then Red and Yellow tied. I ended up reading the section of the book where it describes in detail the Blue personality and it was very interesting. Some of the details were of no surprise to me while others were new revelations and insights and now I've been thinking and analyzing myself for the past couple hours and I've come to terms with who I am. I will now share a short list of quirks, pet peeves and insights about me in relation to my "Blue Personality".

1). I am very critical of myself and others
2). I make decisions emotionally
3). I need human interaction, contact, and a way to emotionally connect with those around me.
4). I am a perfectionist
5). I need order and routine in my life.
6). I have high expectations for myself and others which leaves me prone to disappointment and frustration.
7). I am extremely loyal to my friends and family.
8). I am a deep thinker. I often find myself contemplating and looking deeper into situations and relationships.
9). I am a silent observer of things and people around me, constantly analyzing and making judgments.
10). I am very intuitive.
11). I have trust issues
12). I have many talents and gifts but because of my self-critical attribute I tend to hide them because in my mind there is someone who could do it better than me.
13). I feel like good behavior should always be a priority, I get really bugged when people are rude, disrespectful or inconsiderate, especially in situations that in my opinion deserve reverence.
14). I do not communicate my feelings very well. Not to say that I don't like talking, in fact quite the opposite, I love to talk, but when it comes to expressing myself I find there are no words to describe the complex mess of my inner-most feelings.
15). I do things right the first time and struggle to delegate things because if I want it done right I will most likely do it myself.
16). When people hurt me I just pretend like it wasn't important enough to get that upset about, bury the feelings deep inside and then, over something very little, I'll suddenly explode and release all the pent up feelings of hurt, anger and resentment. (not good, I know, I'm working on it)
17).I am a nurturer. I love to take care of people and be in a position where I feel like I can make a difference in someones life.
18). I am control freak. There I said it.

I don't think of myself as a complex person, probably because it's usually pretty easy to tell what kind of mood I'm in, but because I am emotionally driven and my emotions and moods change so frequently I may appear to be complex when in reality I am just being me. It's as simple as that.

Reflections

~ The temple dedication yesterday was so inspiring and I am so glad I was able to attend. The House of the Lord is such a special place and each time I go I leave with a greater desire to be better and I am reminded again why I must strive to live worthy and in a manner consistent with my Heavenly Father's will. I love how strongly I feel the spirit. I am so blessed to have the gospel in my life.

~ I am so grateful for good friends. When I was living at home I was blessed to have had excellent friends and it was really hard for me to leave home and go to school not knowing anyone and having to find new friends. I have found that no matter where I go there are good people and I just have to find those people who have the same standards and values I do. I have made so many friends since I've left home and each person has enriched my life in their own way and I am so glad that God places people in our lives and allows us to learn from and enjoy those friendships.

~ I've found that carrying out decisions is often harder than making decisions.

~ A clean and organized home/room/work place allows me to relax a little more, stress a little less and ultimately I am happier when things are in order.

~ I love how much better I feel during the day when I get up to exercise in the morning.

~ I love my job. Children are so innocent and pure and the kids at work brighten my day in so many ways. I consider it a privilege to be able to work with them; I only hope I can be even the slightest influence for good in their lives.

My Summer

My summer has been pretty jam packed with activities and because I haven't had my computer for the last two months I have not been able to blog about it so I will just sum it all up into one big entry.

I went caving with my friend Tyson this last Saturday and it was awesome!




Two of my friends got married this last Thursday and this was their reception.
The day of my birthday I cut my hair again. I'm loving the short hair and the bangs. This picture was taken right after blow drying, no straightening at all. Be jealous!
I went to dinner with my family a few days before my birthday and as expected the restaurant workers made me put on the hat before they would sing happy birthday to me.
On the 4th of July I wrecked on my mom's scooter and this is my battle wound. The bruises lasted for almost three weeks!
In the first week of June Kimmy and I went to Havasupai with some family and friends. Havasupai is a beautiful oasis at the bottom of the Grand Canyon. 10 mile hike in, 3 days hiking and exploring the waterfalls, rivers and canyons, then 1o mile hike out. It was so beautiful!
My first sunburn of the summer. I was hurtin pretty bad.
Good times with Kimmy at a dance party held right outside my apartment door.
And this is my car! I bought it in March but I never posted a picture of it. Isn't it so cute? I love it!

Customer Service

I have had some serious issues with costumer service people lately.

1) My mom ordered a ipod hookup for my car for my birthday and the dealership people said they would call me when the part arrived....a week after they said it would be here I called them and they said, "Yeah, it's been here for over a week, you just need to come pick it up." MILDLY ANNOYING

2) I had my doctor send in a medication renewal form to my meds dispensing people about 3 weeks ago. A week after it was sent in I get a voicemail saying they need an address verification and to call back, so I did. When I called back the lady said there was no record of them calling me. To make a long story short this pattern of them calling and then not knowing why they called went on for another two weeks. I called again 2 days ago and finally got to the bottom of it and my medication arrived early this morning. REALLY ANNOYING

3) On June 5th I was in the middle of burning cd's to take on my 10 hour drive to Havasupai and suddenly my computer crashes. It sits on my family room floor for a month and then after the 4th of July weekend I take it in to get fixed. They told me it would take maybe two days to get back to me to tell me the problem. After 9 days of waiting I call them and they said the tech is out of the office but that my computer was on his table so he would contact me the next day. Another week goes by and I call again and they tell me the problem, estimated cost of the fixing it and asking me what I wanted to do. I said "Fix it." They told me it would take 24 hours to fix and they'd call me the next day. A week later I call and they say, yep it's ready come get it. I go pick it up and they hand me my computer, but no power cord. I ask "Where is the power cord?" The guy runs into the back and comes back with a cord that is not MY power cord and tells me one of the guys accidently sent my power cord with another customer and they ordered me a new one and they'd call me when it got there. I have yet to hear from them. SUPER ANNOYING!

I don't think I have ever had a big problem with any kind of customer service. They say bad luck hits in sets of three so hopefully I've had my share and the customer service world will return to normal and be nice and call me when they say they will!

So I haven't posted in over two months because my computer was out of comish but I expect to be posting more often from now on now that I FINALLY have my computer back and the internet is FINALLY up and running in my apartment building after being offline for the last couple weeks. :)

Men

Men - Sometimes they act like a girl more than I do. They are positive of what they want and claim they are never fickle yet can't commit to anything because they don't know what they want. Moody. Unpredictable. They accuse women of not being clear in communication with the opposite sex and I say, what part of saying nothing at all is clear communication? At least we talk! Why is it that they can't have girl-friends when they have a girlfriend? Sometimes they throw away years of friendship. Sometimes they drop off the face of the earth and are never heard from again. Sometimes they apologize for something and then turn around and do it again. There are times when it has been days between sightings. They only want to do something if it was their idea. They have very selective hearing, seeing, remembering, and understanding. I could go on forever but the bottom line is, I don't understand them in any way. The end.

Burnt or Dead.

I asked for fewer hours at work for the summer. It may or may not be the smartest decision because heaven knows I could always have more money saved up in the bank but, it's summer. The sun is out, the temperatures are up, and I don't feel like working 40 hours a week, what are you going to do about it? So as a result of my request I didn't have to be to work until 2:00 p.m. today and it was AWESOME! I went out to the clubhouse pool and laid out for a couple hours this morning and it was so nice to get some sun. But, I got seriously sun burned today. Now I am in pain. Because I am super smart I didn't really think about putting on sunscreen and now I am paying for it. But, after a quick run to the store to get a bottle of Aloe Vera and rubbing half of it all over my legs, shoulders and back I feel a lot better but sleeping is going to be a bit interesting tonight. Which side do I sleep on when all sides of me are bright pink and burning? I guess it's just one of those mystery questions I'll never have an answer for.

The Power of Music

It's not a secret that I love music. I love to play, listen to and especially sing to almost any kind of music. Lately I've been more aware of how much power music has in our lives. One of the definitions of power is 'to have influence over'. So I think saying the 'power of music' is quite fitting.

Music has a physical power over me, when a song has a strong, quick and lively beat I just can't help but move to that beat. Involuntarily my arms go up and my legs and hips begin to move in a way that only happens when I'm dancing. I honestly can't help it; I no longer have control as my body takes in the beat, the lyrics and the feelings of that song and moves in a way to express that.

It is also no secret that I am an emotional person so I guess it should be no surprise that the strongest influence music has over me is emotionally. It can instantly make me feel happy, sad, mad, melancholy, regretful, reminiscent and even depressed. I am not the kind of person that just listens to music, I listen to the individual notes and chords that are used to make a melody. I listen to each word being sung and try and figure out the meaning behind each song. Why was it written? What's the story? What's the hidden meaning behind the web of words that often don't make sense when put together? This habit of paying close attention to the lyrics of songs is often what gives music the power to completely captivate me. Each song is a story and I become emotionally connected to songs especially when the lyrics describe anything I've ever been through and feelings I've personally felt.

For example: A few weeks ago I was driving back to Provo after spending a weekend in Blanding. My car does not have an MP3 hook up or a tape player for a converter so I have no way of listening to my ipod while driving. While I was at home I found a big binder of all my old cd's I had made in high school so I took those back with me. With each cd I put in my mind was flooded with memories. Memories of making the cd, the reason behind the selection of songs, and people involved. There was one cd in particular that hit me pretty hard. It was a cd I had made when I was dating a certain boy. It was made up of love songs with a couple silly songs that were inside jokes and it was interesting to me how I felt when I was listening to this cd. For just a moment it was as if all of the years that have passed since then hadn't happened and I was taken back to that summer when I fell in love for the first time. While I listened to the cd I remembered and felt all the emotions that were associated with memories in my mind; everything from twitterpation to first kiss to falling in love and even the hurt, betrayal, and anger of breaking up.

A similar experience happened just recently when I was cooking in my kitchen with my itunes playing on shuffle and all of the sudden an ABBA song came on and within a split second I felt so happy. Not only is ABBA awesome but I associate any ABBA song with my best friend and all of the times we have been driving blasting the ABBA Gold cd on illegal sound levels come to mind. Even as I type this I am smiling. I can't help but feel happy.

And isn't it weird how you want to listen to music that is in sync with your current emotion. We listen to upbeat re-mixes at dance parties and hymns at church. Music should be used appropriately with the right music in the right circumstance. I mean nobody wants to listen to ''Sunshine on my Shoulders by John Denver when they feel like throwing something at the wall out of anger. Nobody listens to 'Two Less Lonely People in the World by Air Supply' when they just broke up with someone. And obviously no one listens to "We are the Dateless Losers by Reel Big Fish' just after an amazing date that ended with a goodnight kiss. Yeah, no one does that. People will search through all the music they have to find that "hate music" when their furious about something, their "love mix" when they get a boyfriend, and their "Girl's Night Out Jams" when they just want to have a little fun.

I love music, I think it's awesome how it can bring out your bad side, good side, silly side and the child within you. It can express what words alone cannot describe.

The ups and downs of life.

I wouldn't say that I haven't been in a blogging mood because I feel like I have lots to tell about but when I actually sit down to type out my thoughts everything is jumbled in my head and I can't make full sentences and it's kind of frustrating. The last three weeks have been a little crazy it seems and I'm not sure if all my jumbled thoughts can be put into words. But I've experienced the extremes in almost every emotion and it is a little exhausting.

I've had a lot of fun with friends lately. I've been to bonfires, concerts, out to eat, hot tubing, movie theaters, library excursions, many sand volleyball games, movie marathons, staying up way too late and getting up way too early. It's been awesome and it's nice to have friends I feel comfortable around and can always count on having a good time with. My roommate Kimmy is awesome. When we first moved in with each other I knew that we could be friends but I didn't really see us being super close or anything but over the last several months she's become one of my really good friends and is someone I can talk to about anything really. She is the more proactive one between the two of us and it is usually her making all sorts of fun plans with people and then invites me to come along, it's nice. I think I have become boring since high school. I used to be someone who couldn't stand not having plans and doing something all the time but now the idea of staying home on a Friday night and watching a movie by myself doesn't bother me really. Obviously I get bored sometimes and get that feeling of boredom, you know when you get that almost sick feeling in your stomach and your body gets restless and you can't sit still because you want to go do something but aren't sure what to do because you don't have plans? Yeah, I hate that feeling. So lucky for me I have Kimmy around to save me from that annoying feeling of boredom.

So the work scene has been absolutely crazy the last two weeks. My job stresses me out so much. It's not normal to dread your job as much as I do. Now don't get me wrong, I love the kids I teach and I love what I do but my boss makes my life absolutely miserable. Two weeks ago the owner of the day care I work at just decided to fire the office manager and thought that the director would be fine doing both jobs and then when the director told her she was putting in her notice and would only stay through the summer then the following week the owner fired the director as well. Well let me just say that without an office manager or a director in the office to help parents guess who was left to deal with the parents and feel really stupid when their questions couldn't be answered? ME! It was really hard to have parents come to me with questions about their bill or their schedule and what to do about summer coming up and the list goes on and on and me not being able to tell them anything because I don't work in the office and I don't have access to that kind of information. So frustrating! So after a week with no office manager and a day without a director I called up my boss and turned in my two weeks notice. This was last Friday. (p.s. my boss lives in Arkansas which definitely adds to the situation.) Did I have a job lined up for after? Nope. Did I have any plans on what I was going to do without a job? Nope. Did I have enough money to even get me through the summer? Nope. Awesome situation, I know. But in my mind it was better to be jobless than work for this lady and cry every day on the way home from work because I was so stressed out. Not cool.

Anyway, I'll make the rest of the story a short version. My boss flew in and surprised us all this last Monday morning. Come to find out she was just going to close up shop without even a two weeks notice to the parents or the staff. But luckily something worked out and she sold the business to another lady who realized how crazy my boss is and after all the paper work was finished she told her to leave and is now no longer allowed in the building. YEA!!!!!! I cannot express in words how happy I was the moment that she left and I knew I no longer worked for her. This new lady, her name is Sarah is going to be awesome. She called the office manager and the director and begged them to come back, she's keeping the current staff and is building another facility three times the size of the place we're in now. So to sum it all up: my two weeks notice is void and I get to keep my job and for the first time in two weeks I did not cry on my way home from work!

Random updates:
-I went home for Mother's Day weekend and that was awesome to be home for a few days.
-Talking to Mason on Mother's Day was so good. He's doing so awesome and I'm proud of him.
- I get to go to Havasupai the second week in June and I'm seriously SOOO excited!
- The weather has been so amazing the last few weeks and I'm loving it.
- I think I want to run a half marathon in August.
- I went swim suit shopping the other day with no luck. It is the most dreaded thing ever!
- I wish I didn't have to work during the summer, I just want to lay out and play sand volleyball all day.
- Lots of people I know have recently gotten engaged, congrats to them and I'm happy for them.
- Many friends of mine just had a baby or are currently pregnant, some with baby number two and although that is awesome news, secretly it just makes me sad because I want one.
- Despite all these marriage and baby announcements and as jealous as I feel sometimes I honestly am happy I am single with no children! There in an eternity for that and I am having too much fun right now!
- And lastly, I am going shopping today! It's time for some new clothes! Yea!

Pondering

I need to try and make an effort to post more than once a month. I don't always have a lot going on in my life but just because there aren't any major events or activities going on doesn't mean that I have nothing to say. I am the kind of person that likes to ponder a lot. I like to look around me, take in everything and then later find myself thinking about the color of the blossoms on the tree, how amazing the sound of silence really is and be amazed at the invention of cars as I'm driving home from work next to another car going over 65 miles an hour. My head is full of random thoughts all day long. Working at a day care definitely fills my head with interesting thoughts because kids don't see the world the same way adults do. They don't process information the same and they don't understand a lot of things so they take any information given them and try to make sense of it in their own words. For example, I was sitting at the lunch table with the kids when I hear a conversation that went something like this:

Johnny: I don't like milk.
Peter: Even if you don't like it you have to drink it because it makes it so your bones don't fall off.

I tried the best I could to not laugh out loud but to me that is hilarious. At that moment I could just imagine the situation in which Peter learned this information. I imagined him sitting at home during dinner and not drinking all of his milk and his mom saying "Peter you need to drink your milk" Peter then would have asked "Why?" and then his mom would have given him the answer that almost all parents would give "Because milk makes your bones strong." Now the wheels instantly start turning in Peters head and he connects milk with strong bones and to a four year old the only reason why you would need your bones strong is so they don't fall off your body. Makes perfect sense.

While the kids are playing I find myself just watching them sometimes and being amazed at how small they are. I used to be that small. It's weird how things grow. They all look so different, come from different places and circumstances, and they all have different personalities. Who will they become? What choices will they have to face? What hardships are in or are coming into their lives. The creation of man kind and the plan of happiness is truly incredible.

The kids ask me questions all day long and they usually have a simple explanation. Questions like: Why can't Hercules go back to heaven? Why will the worm die if I hold it instead of putting it in sand? Why does the sun make you red and me brown? If you're not a teenager, and you're not a mom, then what are you? ha ha. And when the smoke detector went off a child asked, Why is there a fire truck in the ceiling? As simple as some of the questions seem I tend to think a little bit deeper. Why can't Hercules go back to heaven? He's mortal, he's no longer a God, he is not like his father and must become like his father to go back. It's interesting how a child's question can develop into a philosophical brain exercise that usually connects to something spiritual. I learn so much from my job. I teach the ABC's and 123's but they teach me so much more.

Poems, A Reminder

The last little while I have felt a little down. I would like to say that I'm not sure why I feel that way but I would be lying. My life is in my control and I have the power to change it and be happy under any circumstances and it's the difference between doing and not doing, saying and not saying and thinking and not thinking that influences how I feel about myself, my family and friends, my job, my testimony,the church, my life. I went reading through my old journal and found these poems I wrote at a time in my life when I wasn't the happiest but re-reading them now brings a ray of hope as I look back on that time and see how far I've come since then. It's a reminder that with the Lord and through the atonement we can push through and accomplish anything.

Breathe

I feel as though I cannot breathe.
There is a sacred light I seek.
I see it in those who are strong
But feel that I am too weak,
Too lost, to reach out and hold on.

There are glimpses of light in my past.
It's a struggle to make it last.
My light is dampened by the dark.
All around me the adversary laughs.
I find comfort in my Father's arms.

Oh Lord, please hear my prayer.
Do no leave me in my despair.
I know my spirit is young and frail.
Make me strong with Thy living air.
I know through Thee, I can breathe.

My Purpose
My world has become dark and deep.
Many restless nights in which I cannot sleep.
I'm sinking quickly, in over my head.
Then I hear the voice of the Savior, he said,

I am with thee, you are never alone.
I can help you undo the damage you've done.
My yoke is easy, I will give thee rest
And strength to see you through this test.

Be still thy soul, for I am on your side.
I have been with you every night you cried.
I know your weakness, I see your trial.
I give them to make you strong my child.

Learn of me and look t'wards the light.
Make your way back to the rod and hold on tight.
The way is narrow, a struggle, but straight.
I will help you and welcome you at the gate.

My world is becoming peaceful and bright.
I thank my Lord God for his Son everynight.
I'm rising slowly with help from a friend.
This is my purpose, endure to the end.

Status Update!

It's been a while since I last posted and a lot has happened. I'll just do a quick update:

• I am alive and well
• I am so sick of the cold I could scream, I need SUN!
• Even though I'm not one to go to the tanning bed I secretly want to go so I can experience the amazing warmth of sunshine.
• This weekend I just want to watch General Conference in the comfort of my apartment.
• I went on a date last week and I have another tomorrow.
• I watched Harry Potter 5 tonight and it gets me excited about movie 6 coming out in July.
• I bought a new car a couple weeks ago. It is a Suzuki SX4 and I promise I will post pictures in the near future and give more details as to how I gained ownership of this cute little car.
• Tomorrow I will: Do some grocery shopping, write letters to Cami and Mason, watch conference, straighten my room, read my scriptures and write in my journal.
• I've been eating nothing but junk the last few weeks and I'm past the point of self disgust over it and I WILL start running again. If only the blasted season of winter would just end already! The weather is no excuse for my non-exercising habits, but still.

Poems

Not many people know it, but I like to write poems. There are few people who have ever read them and I thought that it's time I share a few.

RELIEF

Somedays I feel down and weary

and life is full of stress,

but the sound of trickling bubbles

makes your stress seem much less.

With the water warm and the tide high

with wet feet you just sit back,

the water almost sounds like music

as you soak in the rest you lack.

This is a peaceful place, where all is right.

It's a place visited quite often.

The wind blows soft when you're all alone

and the trials in life seem to soften.

LIVE

To ease my pain

To escape from life

To revive my soul

To relax my mind

I sleep.

To lift my spirit

To see the same from you

To hide how I truly feel

To enjoy the world around me

I smile.

To express how I feel

To relieve built up stress

To release anger and fear

To show I have weakness

I cry.

To forever hold what I have

To momentarily have what I cannot

To be who I've always wanted

To forget what I regret

I dream.

To sleep when I feel want

To smile when I am sad

To cry without reason or warning

To dream through most the day

I LIVE.

Bathroom Utensils

When it comes to utensils that are generally found in the bathroom I have two loves. One I've had for years and years and will always be my number one and the other new love in my bathroom life has just recently made itself known. These two utensils I speak of are of course 1) my Toothbrush and 2) my Venus razor.

I LOVE to brush my teeth. In fact most times when I brush my teeth I'll brush them twice. Not twice a day but twice in a row, several times a day. So obviously my toothbrush is amazing and it is one of my most prized possessions. There are several things about my toothbrush that I particularly love.

1) It has little rubbery grips on the handle so it's nice a squishy for my fingers. And also prevents my grip from slipping so I can avoid the painful moments of having your toothbrush jab into your gums.
2) It has the uneven bristles with the longest bristles at the top to get the most quality reaching action possible.
3) It's green, my favorite color
4) Last but definitely not least, it has the cool tongue scrubber thing on the back of the head. The tongue scrubber is SO awesome. For a long time I thought that the normal bristles on a toothbrush would suffice but the day I bought a toothbrush with a tongue scrubber on it I was so amazed at the better quality of tongue scrubbing that I swore I would never go back.

Now I think it would be safe to say that mouthwash goes hand in hand with a toothbrush. I'm not sure if I should admit this or not but I've never been a huge mouthwash user. For some reason I just never took up that habit. However, about two weeks ago I was going through a container full of extra bathroom stuff; you know, things like extra shampoo and conditioner, travel size bottles from all the hotels you've stayed at, bars of soap, toothpaste and etc. I ventured into this container to get another bar of soap to replace the ever shrinking one in my shower when I came across a small travel sized bottle of Scope Mouthwash. I looked at it for a minute and then it spoke to me saying "try me". So I did, and I loved it. So that very afternoon I went to the store and bought myself a big bottle of it and not a day goes by that I don't use it at least once a day, if not more. So if you have never been a big mouthwash user or you've tried it and for some reason it just didn't stick, I would highly suggest you give it another shot, it could change your life. Just imagine the refreshing feeling of just brushing your teeth, now add the sensation you get from swishing mouthwash ooooooooooh, it burns so good! Now THAT is a clean mouth.

Now on to the other bathroom utensil I spoke of, the other love my life, my Venus razor. Shaving has always been something that a woman does to make herself feel more beautiful, at least I do. I don't know about anyone else but if I have some big thing coming up, a date for example, I will shave the full length of my legs. Now I'm not shaving because I think I'll be getting some cuddling action on the couch and I don't want some guy's foot rubbing up and down my prickly legs. I shave because for some reason it makes me feel more confident. It's in the same category as putting on cute underwear for a special occasion, not because anyone is going to be seeing it but because I feel more sexy wearing it. Maybe I'm weird but I'm pretty sure it's a girl thing.

Anyway, I've been shaving since I was, oh let's say, 12 years old, and over the years I have owned several different styles of razors. I started out with the really cheap ones, the package of 30 you get for $2.00, then I moved on to the slightly more expensive ones with a little bit of rubber on the handle and 3 blades! Then I moved up from there going on the 4 blader with a little strip of moisturizer at the top of the blades. And finally, about 2 years ago I forked out the money and got a Venus razor. I loved the Venus ever since I bought it and I've never gotten anything else since. Although my Venus has been a prized commodity it has never been a love of my life, until last weekend.

Last weekend I was at my Aunt Kris's house in Layton because my grandparents were celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary and to split up the chaos my family chose to stay there instead of at grandma and grandpa's house. The first morning I was there I went to take a shower and realized that my razor was damaged. I packed in a hurry and had shoved my razor into a random pocket in my suit case I guess something got jammed into it because there a was big hole in the middle of the blades. Well of course that just wouldn't do, so I had to throw the head away and I was a little perplexed because I did not pack a replacement. I started to think I was just not going to shave for several days, a little itchy but not a huge deal right? Well my mother as awesome as she is told me she had a little disposable razor in her travel bag so I decided to use that instead. Now I had no idea just how spoiled I am having been using a Venus. I used that disposable razor and I cut myself several times. Just tiny little nicks but still, they hurt! I put on lotion once I got out of the shower and I got razor burn rashes in several places and my armpits rubbed against the tank top I wore that day and my armpits were beyond irritated by the end of the day. It was at that moment that I realized I would never go back to using any other razor than a Venus.

I started out with a purple Venus and then when I ran out of replacement heads for that one I got a new one and this one is my favorite so far. Like my toothbrush there are several features that I particularly like:

1) It has the squishy grip stuff on the handle so I have a good firm grip and I don't slip and slice my leg open.
2) It is a 5 bladed wonder with a swivel head which allows me to get the closest shave and be able to shave on top, under and around my knees with no problems, second only to using a Mach 3 Men's razor. I would use a men's razor but I like the idea of using a razor meant for women.
3) It is green, once again, my favorite color.
4) It has the moisturizing strip, not just at the top of the blades but around the whole outside edge of the head, which significantly decreases the chances of razor burn.

And there you have it.

1+1 = 28 and counting

This last weekend was so fun. My mom's parents, grandma and grandpa England celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary on March 6. Everyone was there. My cousin Brian whom I haven't seen in 7 years flew in from Chicago with his fiance I've never met. My cousin Matt flew in with his two little girls whom I've never met. My aunt Kathy and uncle Jim flew in from Rhode Island and Maine with their 14 year old daughter Rachel. It was just so awesome to have the whole family together again. The last time we were all together was Christmas of 2000. We were only missing two, Mason who is on his mission and my cousin Steven who had finals and other stuff going on that would not allow him to come out.

I took two days off work so I could spend some time with the family. Thursday my family and Rachel went skiing at Snowbasin. It was so fun! I'm not a big time skiier, only once or twice a year, but I love it. It had snowed quite a few inches the night before and they didn't have it all packed down the next morning so there was fresh powder to ski on and it was awesome! Right before lunch I was hitting the slopes with Ryan on his snowboard and I hit a patch of powder and it caught my skiis the wrong way. My right ski flipped and got stuck but my body kept going down the hill. Well I got all twisted up and usually your skiis will pop off when you crash but they had my bindings on tighter that usual so my skiis didn't pop off. As a result, my right knee got twisted pretty good and I could barely walk on it for a few days. It feels ok now, but it will be at least a week or so before I can run on it again. :( I'm really sad. I was just recently getting back into the running thing and getting back in shape. It seems like that always happens, whenever I make a good effort at getting back in shape something happens to hinder that. Not cool.

Friday morning the adults went to the temple while they left with the kids with the older kids AKA...me. I had the two older boy cousins but let's be honest, they weren't that big of help when it came to getting all the kids breakfast, getting them dressed, teethbrushed, hair done, cleaning the kitchen and keeping the house straightened so my aunt didn't come home to absolute chaos. Sure, they would step in and keep the kids from killing eachother when it got a little too out of hand but anything short of that they just let me handle, how kind. Friday night the whole family went out to eat at Maddox in Brigham City, which was of course really good.

Saturday morning we all got dressed up and took family pictures in front of the Ogden temple then we went to ABC Mandarin to eat an amazing chinese food lunch. The rest of the day was spent just relaxing, eating, playing games, eating, taking naps, eating, going bowling, and eating some more. I'm pretty sure I gained close to ten pounds over the weekend with all of the eating out, the junk food, and the endless bowls and bowls of gummy bears that grandma ALWAYS has set out and are magically replenished.

So now I am back at my apartment in Provo and I'll be honest, I am sad. It makes me sad to think about how many years it may be before I see Kathy's family again? How many years will it be before we're all together again? But I guess it's not good to dwell on the what ifs and how comes and instead focus on the reason why we were together. We were there to celebrate the 50th wedding anniversary of two people who mean the world to me. 50 years! That is incredible! I want to know their secrets. I want to know how you marry someone and love them just as much, if not more, on your 50th anniversary as the day you married them? What keeps you together? How many times do you have to re-fall in love over the years? How many times did they want to pull out or give up and didn't? How did they get through the hard times? How did they raise four children who now have families of their own? And what does it feel like to have your children, grandchildren and great grandchildren all in one room and see how your family has grown? A family that started out with just two. Now I have yet to be in that situation but I hope that someday I'll be able to know what that feels like. But from the look on my grandparents face I can tell you it will be amazing. It brought tears to my eyes as I saw tears well up and eventually spill into a stream down my grandparents cheeks as they looked around the room at each member of the family. I honestly believe they saw a glimpse of heaven in that moment and if that isn't happiness, then I don't know what is.

We Never Change

Official Rules:1. Put your iPod or other music player on shuffle.2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.3.YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!4. Tag friends who might enjoy doing this as well.

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY? Mama Mia!
WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY? Unforgetable
WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL? Time to dance
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE? I will follow you into the dark
IS YOUR MOTTO? Hakuna Matata - (HA HA, no kidding that really is the song it landed on)
WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?Operator
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN? Wake me up when September ends
WHAT IS 2+2? One Night Stand
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND? I'm not gonna do anything without you
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE? Is it raining at your house?
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY? This ones for the girls!
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP? I finally found someone
WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE? Why do you love?
WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU? Waiting game
WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?For all the saints
WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL? Promiscuous
WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST? Down on the corner
WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET? Each Coming night
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS? Piano Man
WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN? Perfect
WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET? Runaway
WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH? Because we are in love
WHAT MAKES YOU CRY? Girls lie too
WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED? Stickshifts and Safetybelts
WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST? High On The Mountain Top
DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU? Hey Jude
IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE? Ripped Blue Jeans
WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW? Denying
WHAT IS YOUR THEME SONG? Seduces Me
WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS? We Never Change

This is actually pretty funny, I suggest you try it sometime.

Back In The Day

1. Who was your first Prom date? Shad Webb
2. Do you still talk to your first love? Nope
3. What was the first time you drove like? I don't count when I was a tiny tike, so it must have been when I was 15. I remember feeling like driving wasn't a big deal and that I was pretty much pro....and then my dad made me drive the stick shift car and then I didn't anymore because it took me a bit to get the hang of it.
4. What was your first job? I worked and did odd jobs for my dad, starting at the age of 10 or so.
5. What was your first car? Geo Metro, a red mini M&M, tin can but it was awesome, I cried the day my parents told me they were selling it. I still see it around Blanding and a lot of awesome memories of driving that car come to mind.
6. Who was the first person to text you today? Mandy Lou Flavel
7. Who is the first person you thought of this morning? My roomate Kimmy, she was tossing this morning and I was trying really hard not to wake her up as I got ready for work.
8. Who was your first grade teacher? Mrs. Lurlene Gutke, she was also my Kindergarten teacher so I remember being really excited to have her two years in a row.
9.Who was your first best friend, and do you still talk? As a young kid it was Shalie and Kendra, middle school it was Kelby and Bailey and high school is was Mallory and Mandy.
10. Where was your first sleepover? I slept over at Shalie's house about every other day I think, she lived next door so it just works out well that way.
11.Where did you go on your first airplane ride? I flew to California on a family vacation.
12. Who was the first person you talked to today? My roomate Kimmy.
13. Who's wedding were you in for the first time? I would bed it was my Aunt Kris's wedding. I was 9 I think.
14. What was the first thing that you did this morning? Snoozed my alarm 15 hundred times, slept in and was late for work...woops.
15. Who was the first concert that you went to? Phil Vassar with Mallory was the first official one
16. First tatoo? Yet to happen......Chances are extremely unlikely, no......positively unlikely.
17. First piercing? My ears, 12th birthday.
18. First foreign country you have been to? Bahamas
19. First movie you remember seeing? oh gosh I don't know. I faintly remember seeing Pocahontas and The Muppets Treasure Island, I think they came out about the same year, I was probably 8 or 9. I'm sure there were earlier ones but those are the ones that stuck out the most.
20. When was your first detention? 4th grade. I got detention all the time because I was in a contest between a boy in my class who could lose our chips and get the most detentions. ha ha, stupid, I know. But funny.
21. What was the first state that you lived in? Utah
22. Who was your first roommate? Hollie Street, Rachel Mitchel, Kaylee Knight
23. First funeral you attended? I don't remember if I went to the funeral but I remember the first time I experienced death of a loved one. It was my grandpa's brother Francis Lyman, I was 3 or 4. I got him and my grandpa confused so he was like a grandpa to me.
24. Who was your first kiss? Adam Lacy
25. What is the first thing you do when you get on the computer? E-mail, Blog, Facebook, Bank Account. Not necessarily in that order.

I tag everyone! It's fun to try and remember stuff. You don't think you'd ever forget any of it until you're asked to actually think about it. It was fun! Give it a try!

Stress, Sleepless Nights and Shopping

For some reason I feel more stressed than usual. If I take a good hard look at my life right now there really is not much different, so I am struggling to see why I feel this added amount of anxiety in my life. The last couple of nights I have not been able to sleep. I stay awake until 2 or 3 in the morning just lying in bed thinking about life. But if you were to ask me what I was thinking about I probably wouldn't be able to tell you because it's not anything specific. It's as if there are thousands of random thoughts coming from several areas in my life and they are all strung together in a pattern that makes absolutely no sense at all. I think about my job, my roomates, where I'm going to live in the next year, my friends, my dating life, my spirituality, my weaknesses, all the things I should be doing and I'm not, all the things that I am doing and shouldn't be...etc, and the list goes on and on. I guess to sum it all up I feel like my life is spinning and that I have lost control. I simply do not know where to begin to restore equilibrium in my life.

One thing about life that irritates me the most is that life, at least mine, is never in harmony. To decrease the amount of stress in my life I try my best to keep a healthy balance between all of the major pulls such as: work, social life, church and personal enrichment. But it is the trying to maintain that healthy balance that causes stress. I don't know if that really makes sense to anyone else but it does to me. It's a vicious cycle I tell you, just plain vicious.

I think most people feel, at least to some degree, stress in their life at all times. I know I do. But then the stress somehow builds up and I don't find a productive way to release it so then I stay up all night thinking about it. Now we all know that lack of sleep sure as heck doesn't help me relieve any amount of stress. So then it gets worse and worse and then suddenly, I crack. I break down. I lose it. This is where the crying spells come in. This is when I call my mom and best friend and through gut wrenching sobs I'll vent about all of the so called "problems" in my life. It is at this point that I'll begin to feel like nothing can go right and I don't know where I'm headed and nothing makes sense anymore. And then after all of this and a bottle of Ibuprofen later, it hits me. I realize what I must do to decrease me stress levels and give my ulcers a chance to relax. SHOPPING.

Why is it that in these moments of absolute vulnerability and weakness do I get a sudden urge to go shopping? What is it about shopping that gives me such an extraordinary feeling of self satisfaction? What is it about that exhilarating thrill of putting on those new pair of pants or that amazingly cute shirt that I bought at an awesome price that adds a little extra swing in my hips when I walk? Why is it that I can put on anything new and see myself differently in my mirror the next day, whether it be jeans, shoes, a shirt or even cute underwear? Why do I walk with a smile and more confidence because I "feel cuter". These are questions I have been trying to answer all my life and you know, I don't think I ever really want to know the answers, because it quite possibly can take out all the fun in it.

So here we have a classic case of PMS, whether that stands for PreMS, PresentMS or PostMS is irrelevant, because the feelings and reactions are the same regardless. Well I haven't hit the breakdown stage.......yet, but I am jumping ahead to the shopping stage. Tomorrow I will begin my quest to relieve some stress in my life. And then (big breath) a week from now my veil of denial will lift and I will realize I shouldn't have spent money I didn't have which will then cause anxiety. You see, it's a vicious cycle. Just plain vicious. Oh the joys of being a woman.

Staying Up Late

I am not a lover of going to bed early. Not one bit. It is boring, I miss out on all sorts of things with my friends and it feels like I'm being too responsible. Deep down inside I LOVE to stay up late. I don't know why but something about being up at all hours of the night is fun for me. It doesn't matter if I'm with one friend, seven friends or by myself just wasting time, it's fun. I would say I have always been this way and it got worse during the years I was living and going to school in Logan. The last semester I was there it got a lot better; I had a lot on my plate and I couldn't afford to stay up late, I needed the sleep. Then I went to China and although there were a few nights that I stayed up late with the girls, more often than not I was in bed no later than 10:30. I have maintained, for the most part, this bedtime since I got back.....until recently. The last month or so I've found myself staying up later and later but instead of getting strict with myself and going to bed early, it just keeps getting worse. Despite the fact that I am getting on average less hours of sleep than usual I feel just about the same at work. Whether I sleep 9 hours or 5, I have the same amount of energy at work and after, so I guess going to bed late doesn't really matter then does it? Wrong.

My energy levels may not seem to suffer because of lack of sleep but there are two very important things that do tend to suffer when I get into this bad habit and that is 1) my scripture study becomes either really short or nonexistent. 2) my nightly prayers seem to go on forever because I fall asleep half way through and I never end them, or as I am laying in my bed talking myself into getting on my knees, what seems like 5 minutes later, my alarm clock rings in the new day.

Now I know there just HAS to be a solution for this. I can move my scripture study time to sometime earlier in the day so I don't have to worry about it as I am crawling into bed. So that solves one problem but as for the other, I'm not really sure what to do. I don't mean to not say my prayers. I just need more self discipline I guess. OR I could just go to bed earlier so that when I pray right before bed it will be at a decent time when my brain is actually on and functioning. And that brings us full circle; back to going to bed early which as I explained before, is not my most favorite thing in the whole world. (sigh)

I Am So Blessed

I'd like to think that I am aware of how good my life is but every once in a while a strong impression hits me and reminds me how lucky I am. I love my family more than life and I am so lucky to have been born into the family that I was. Growing up things weren't always peaches and cream; my siblings and I would fight a lot just like most kids within families but now that we are all a bit older we have developed really strong relationships. Right now we are all four on different playing fields. Mason is on a mission, Ryan is right in the middle of high school drama, Ciara is in the awkward stage between middle school and high school when you're trying to figure out exactly who you are, and I am away from home making ends meet in Provo. I can't wait until we have all grown up and are married with kids, it will be so fun to have us all on the same page again.

Over the years I have had several conversations about family and the different relationships, situations and traditions we all have. I always come away from these conversations feeling so lucky that I have such a great family. I can't tell you how many of my roomates and friends don't have good relationships with their brothers and sisters and their parents. I find that so sad. My parents are honestly two of my best friends! When anything happens in my life my mom and dad are at the top of the list of people I need to call and tell them about it. Whenever I need advice it is my parents I turn to. I was never one of those really stubborn teenagers who thought I knew more than my parents. My parents have ALWAYS been smarter and wiser than me. I'm not saying my parents and I haven't had tension in our relationship but I have always loved and respected them as my parents and they have always loved me, trusted me and believed in me when no one did.

Out of all the conversations I've had on family, there is one difference between my family and others that stands out more than anything else and that is the relationship between the mother and the father. It has often been said that the best gift a father can give to his children is to love their mother and I honestly believe that! This is a gift that my dad gave me when I was very young and he never lets me forget it. As a kid it was really embarrassing to see my parents kissing in the kitchen or cuddling up on the couch and it weirded me out when they "went away" for the weekend every once in a while. But now that I am older there are no words to express my gratitude. I have had many friends tell me they have never seen their parents show expressions of love to each other. They've never seen their dad do a single dish to help their mother, never saw them find a common hobby and enjoy doing it together, and have never heard the beautiful words of "I love you" spoken between their parents, some said their parents rarely speak to each other much less say I love you. My heart reaches out to those people who, as a child, didn't know if their parents loved each other.

I am so blessed to have a family that is sealed together. I am so blessed to be able to call my brothers and sister my friend. I am so blessed to know that my parents love me and would do anything for me. I am so blessed to know that my parents love each other and have set such a good example of the way I want my husband to treat me, the way I should treat him in return and the kind of marriage I should strive to attain. I am so blessed to be in a family that loves each other and where some of my best memories have been when spending and enjoying our time together. I am so blessed.

Secret Admirer

So on Friday night I was sitting around with a couple of friends and at 12:03 (officially Valentine's Day) we get a knock at the door. It's not very often that people come around my apartment and especially that late at night. So this was definitely out of the ordinary. So we answer the door just like most Americans, we yell "COME IN!".......nothing. So we yell again, "COME IN!".....nothing. Then Nate, one of the guys there gets up and answers the door and no one is there but clipped to my door is this cute little note. I was really surprised. So I take the card and open it up and this is what I find inside:

Now, tell me, does this make sense to anyone else? The front of the card is green which is my favorite color so maybe that can pass but the inside being yellow with a duck drawn on it? Really? Just a reminder, in case any of you forgot, yellow and green are NOT Valentines Day colors. But then again, maybe it was the only color of cardstock that was available and being a poor college student couldn't go out and buy some different colors. So in that light I will ignore the fact that the colors are wrong and accept the nice gesture. Nevertheless, I was very confused. But it gets even better, I then close it and this is on the back:

At first this may look like an attempt to draw the Hallmark crown but if you look really close there is a little "mini Moroni", if you will, on top of that crown, or is it a temple? Yeah, my thoughts exactly. Only in Provo. So there I am, sitting and reading this card while the people in the room are asking me who it's from, so I show them the card and they are all as confused as I am. Well, my conclusions at this time were this: 1) This card was made by more than one person. Because the hand writting that wrote my name on the front and the Secret Admirer part on the back of the card was different and more girly than the rest of it, so the culprit is at least one guy with a girl accomplice. 2) I have a couple guy friends in the area and I won't mention any names but if you knew them at all, especially one in particular, this card has his name written ALL over it. This flower was also attached to the note.

Now, my guess on who "they" were may or may not be correct, but I'm not really that concerned with finding out. The whole thing was fun while it lasted.

Valentine's Day of Yesterday

So tomorrow is Valentine's Day but because it falls on a Saturday, at the school we celebrated the holiday today. I planned a whole bunch of games, I bought some fun treats for the morning snack, I even made cute little valentines for each of the kids who were there today. Although the noise level of the day seemed a lot higher than usual I quite enjoyed myself. It was so fun for me to see how excited the kids were to hand out their valentines to everyone. I had the Charlie Brown's Valentines Day DVD and figured they would love it because they loved Charlie Brown's Thanksgiving, so why not Valentine's Day right? I'm sure that on any other day they would have sat and happily watched the whole 25 minutes of Charlie Brown's Valentines Day, but not today; because they had been told all morning that handing out valentines would happen after the rest time after lunch. So the movie was drowned out by the sound of children wrestling eachother, laughing for no reason, jumping up and down, and the constant nagging of "when will the movie be over?" So I turned it off and let them hand out their valentines, after which we just moved them along outside to run around a bit and burn some energy. As crazy and as hectic as it seemed right in the middle of the day I couldn't help but take a few moments to look at the faces of each child and see the look of pure happiness as they decorated their valentine boxes, told eachother that they loved them, and had a look of satisfaction when the heart they drew actually looked like a heart. (they've been practicing for weeks)

I found myself thinking about my past Valentine's Day experiences and remember thinking Valentine's Day was the best holiday to celebrate at school because I loved to decorate my box and write my name on each valentine and give 'special' valentines to my closest friends and the cutest boy in my class. We always took the whole day off of school and spent the day playing games, making valentines, icing cookies and watching movies. It was so fun. There is nothing better than Valentines Day as a child, I mean, who wouldn't be thrilled to take home a whole box of candy. And valentines candy was better than Halloween candy because it was cuter.

After I got home tonight I started thinking more about all the Valentine's Days in my past and it hit me that last year I was in China for Valentine's Day. I was on a 40 hour train ride from Hell going from Beijing back to Shenzhen and then from there a two hour bus ride to the school. It was miserable while in the moment but I was with girls who would become some of my best friends and it was a Valentine's Day I'll never forget. But that's not what I see when I envision Valentine's Day in China, I see the kids. I have been in a rather melancholy mood since then. I remember the cards that they made and the looks on their faces as we tried to explain what Valentine's Day was. I love those kids. Not a day goes by that I don't think about China in some way or another. The screensaver on my computer is a slideshow of my China pictures and it always makes my heart ache, but a happy ache, if that is possible. It's a bittersweet feeling as I look at pictures and remember my time there. Happy that I did it, and that I learned so much and developed so many relationships but sad because I know that most likely I'll never go back. I close my eyes and take me back there and it almost feels real sometimes, but then I bump my computer and the slideshow ends.

As I thought about all my past Valentine's Days I can remember almost every one and who I was with, the things that we did, the cards I received and the words that were said. Some say Valentine's Day is a.k.a "Single Awareness Day" and I was one of those people for awhile but this year I think I've come to realize that Valentine's Day whether you're single, married, widowed or a small child, is about letting those you love know that you love them, and I wish it came around more than once a year. HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!!

Tagged by Mallory

Bucket List Tag. The rules are to put an X by everything you have done and then answer the questions at the end.

Swam in the ocean X
Gone to Washington DC
Gone on a blind date X
Skipped school X
Watched someone die X
Been to Canada
Been to Mexico
Been to Florida X
Been to a foreign country X
Been on a plane X
Been lost X
Been on the opposite side of the country X
Cried yourself to sleep X
Played cops and robbers X
Recently colored with crayons X
Sang Karaoke X
Paid for a meal with coins only X
Skipped out without paying for a meal
Done something you told yourself you wouldn't? X
Made prank phone calls X
Caught a snowflake on your tongue X
Watched the northern lights dance
Danced in the rain X
Written a letter to Santa Claus X
Been kissed under the mistletoe
Watched the sunrise with someone X
Watched the sunset with someone X
Blown bubbles X
Can hula hoop? X
Gone ice-skating X
Been skinny dipping outdoors X
Gone to the movie's ALONE
Gone to a horror movie and laughed through it

1. Any nicknames? Some call me Chan, and then Flo which I'm not a huge fan of.
2. Mother's name? Pam
3. Favorite drink? MILK and juice
4. Body Piercing? one hole in each ear
5. How much do you like your job? It totally depends on the day, 50-50 for sure
6. Dad's name? Joe
7. Favorite vacation? Going to Disney Land with the family was fun, going to the Bahamas with the fam was pretty awesome but I would have to say that going to Beijing and seeing the Great Wall wins by a hair.
8. Ever eaten cookies for dinner? Yes
9. Ever eaten mud? Yes, when I was kid. I made pud pies and I'm sure I really ate them.
10. Ever been on TV? Yes, I've been on the news once or twice in my day
11. Ever steal any traffic signs? Me? do something illegal?......I don't know what you're talking about. Ok, I have.
12. Ever been in a car accident? fender benders but nothing serious.
14. Can you drive a standard car? Absolutely, it's funner.
15. Favorite pie? Not a fan of pie but occasionally at Thanksgiving I'll have myself a slice of apple or razzleberry.
16. Favorite number? 435-678-2400 - That's my home phone number, it's the best number whenever I need anything.
17. Favorite movie? I LOVE movies, there is no way I could possibly choose a favorite, but the one I'm looking forward to watching next week is Charlie Brown's Valentines Day!
18. Favorite dessert? Brownies, ice cream, but not together. I'm kind of weird about certain foods touching.
19. Book on CD or regular book? I love the Harry Potter books.
20. Favorite food? I don't have a favorite, but the thing I've been craving the most lately is pork and shrimp dumplings, tomatoe and egg and rice from the best little restuarant in the city I lived in in China. yummm.......my mouth is watering just typing it, it's crazy good!
21. Favorite day of the week? I love the weekend in general but Sunday is my favorite day of the weekend.
22. Favorite brand of body wash? Soap
23. Favorite toothpaste? The minty kind, is that specific enough?
24. Favorite smells? Rain, Acqua Di Gio for Men, clean laundry, my parents house
25. How do you relax? Take a nap, watch a movie, go on a walk
26. How do you see yourself in 10 years? Happy and healthy, married to my best friend who is the hero in our children's life.
27. Furthest you will send this message? Blanding
28. Who will respond to this the fastest? There is a prize for the winner, on your mark, get set......GO!
29. What is your favorite breed of dog? No opinion, I like little dogs though, they are cute.
30. Like to celebrate by going out or staying in? Both, I love to go out with family and/or friends and then head back in for movies, games, conversation, it's all good.

Now I tag, Rachel and Kendra

Sick and tired of being sick and tired

I think it would be safe to say that I caught some kind of cold/sinus viral infection around the end of October and I haven't been free of it for longer than a few days in between long spells of not being able to breathe....not cool. I'm not really sure what the deal is. My whole life I have been the one that never gets sick. My whole family would get the flu or strep throat or whatever and low and behold I would walk through the fire unscathed. So it has me completely puzzled that 1. I got sick in the first place and 2. that I didn't get over it in less than a week. OK, it's not a completely mystery; the fact is, I am surrounded by children all day and it's beginning to take a toll on my immune system. If I had to base whether or not I'm going to keep working at the day care on one thing, the whole always being sick thing is enough of a reason for me to put this job behind me. It's sad, but true. I've almost forgotten what it's like to breathe without decongestive medicines, not have eye drops, a bag of cough drops and nasal spray on hand at all times and not go through a box of tissues a week. It will be a blessed day indeed when I can wake up in the morning and be able to breathe.

Spaghetti bowl

Right now I am working at a day care facility in Alpine. I'm not just babysitting all day though, there is a preschool part of it that I teach and the kids are involved in structured activities most of the day, at least I try to keep them under control :) Most days I come home from work completely exhausted, not physically but emotionally. It is hard to be surrounded by so many kids all day long and feeling like there is no escape. Although I believe my patience levels have increased since I began working there in August, I don't feel like I have enough patience to continue working there. I've been debating for a while now on whether to stay for another school year or be done and find somewhere else to go when this school year ends in May. Just when I think that I have made up my mind to move on, something happens at work that makes me think twice. For example,

A little while ago this little boy comes up to me as I am leaving work and says "Miss Chantelle, will you be here tomorrow?" I answered "Yes I will be here tomorrow." He smiles and then asks me "You'll always be here, right? You're not going to ever go away right?" It broke my heart to see his face as he was asking if I would ever leave him.

Then the other day a mother told me that her daughter informed her the night before that she wanted to be teacher just like Miss Chantelle when she grows up. Her mother told me that she was impressed and appreciated my influence on her daughter. She said "I tried to tell her she should be a doctor, or a lawyer but she wouldn't give in, I even told her she could be a rockstar and she still insisted that she was going to be like you. My daughter really looks up to you and enjoys being here."

I am torn. A part of me loves the kids so much and wants to stay, but the other half of me is telling me that I am not completely happy there and that there is something out there that is better for me. When I weigh out the pros and cons of the situation, the cons outweigh the pros by quite a bit. The drive is a half hour each way and it would be nice to have that extra money that I'm spending on gas. I am emotionally burned out, by the end of the day I feel like I am about to snap. And the list goes on. Although being a teacher is so rewarding and there is nothing better than seeing the light come on in a child's eyes in the middle of a lesson and you know that they ARE listening and they DO understand; I believe that other jobs have to have that same rewarding feeling in some way or another.

I still have a little while before I have to make any real decisions, in the mean time I am on the job hunt and weighing out my options. It's great to be at these crossroads and know that I can do just about anything I want and I can go in any direction. It's amazing that I have been given the agency to do that and making decision is possible, but sometimes I wish I wasn't overwhelmed with options. A fork in the road is one thing but a one way road that suddenly turns into a spaghetti bowl full of long skinny roads is another.

My ulterior motives for creating a blog

I have been thinking for some time now that I would like to create my own blog but have always resisted seeing how almost every single person I know who has a blog is married and that blogging is basically married people's facebook. And seeing how I am not married I kind of felt like I would be breaking some kind of rule. I can hear it now "She's single, she can't have a blog yet. What could she possibly post on there if she doesn't have wedding pictures, baby announcements or husband pet peeves to talk about?" But, nevertheless I have created a blog of my own. I think the thing that finally pushed me over that decision line was that lately I have been in an anti-marriage mood. Well, not anti-marriage just anti-boy. Here are the most recent acts I have committed.

1). Even with all of the counsel and guidance given me on how girls should have long hair, I, in defiance of men, chopped off 13 inches of my hair.
2). My Bishop gave me counsel on how I need to be going to my family home evening activities and be "more involved" in the ward, and since then I have not gone to a single FHE activity.
3). I have gone on a few 1st and/blind dates lately and then shortly thereafter by some magical power I cannot answer my phone when they call me a few days later or the following week. Or I somehow forget to text them back when they ask me about my day. Or when a friend asks me what I thought of the guy I only find feelings of impartiality, passiveness and irrelevency.

So I guess that by creating my own blog I am somehow adding to this list of defiant acts since it is engaging in an activity that I have always seen as something married people do.

Now, the first step in the rehabilitation process is admitting when you have a problem. So here it goes....(big breath) I have a bitterness problem that often leads to bratty and immature behavior towards men There, I said it. Now the next question is, is there a cure?

Well I think that that was a wonderful introduction! Although I do promise that my future posts will not be so bitter and will be based on the cooler and more interesting things in my life....like my job :)