Back In The Day

1. Who was your first Prom date? Shad Webb
2. Do you still talk to your first love? Nope
3. What was the first time you drove like? I don't count when I was a tiny tike, so it must have been when I was 15. I remember feeling like driving wasn't a big deal and that I was pretty much pro....and then my dad made me drive the stick shift car and then I didn't anymore because it took me a bit to get the hang of it.
4. What was your first job? I worked and did odd jobs for my dad, starting at the age of 10 or so.
5. What was your first car? Geo Metro, a red mini M&M, tin can but it was awesome, I cried the day my parents told me they were selling it. I still see it around Blanding and a lot of awesome memories of driving that car come to mind.
6. Who was the first person to text you today? Mandy Lou Flavel
7. Who is the first person you thought of this morning? My roomate Kimmy, she was tossing this morning and I was trying really hard not to wake her up as I got ready for work.
8. Who was your first grade teacher? Mrs. Lurlene Gutke, she was also my Kindergarten teacher so I remember being really excited to have her two years in a row.
9.Who was your first best friend, and do you still talk? As a young kid it was Shalie and Kendra, middle school it was Kelby and Bailey and high school is was Mallory and Mandy.
10. Where was your first sleepover? I slept over at Shalie's house about every other day I think, she lived next door so it just works out well that way.
11.Where did you go on your first airplane ride? I flew to California on a family vacation.
12. Who was the first person you talked to today? My roomate Kimmy.
13. Who's wedding were you in for the first time? I would bed it was my Aunt Kris's wedding. I was 9 I think.
14. What was the first thing that you did this morning? Snoozed my alarm 15 hundred times, slept in and was late for work...woops.
15. Who was the first concert that you went to? Phil Vassar with Mallory was the first official one
16. First tatoo? Yet to happen......Chances are extremely unlikely, no......positively unlikely.
17. First piercing? My ears, 12th birthday.
18. First foreign country you have been to? Bahamas
19. First movie you remember seeing? oh gosh I don't know. I faintly remember seeing Pocahontas and The Muppets Treasure Island, I think they came out about the same year, I was probably 8 or 9. I'm sure there were earlier ones but those are the ones that stuck out the most.
20. When was your first detention? 4th grade. I got detention all the time because I was in a contest between a boy in my class who could lose our chips and get the most detentions. ha ha, stupid, I know. But funny.
21. What was the first state that you lived in? Utah
22. Who was your first roommate? Hollie Street, Rachel Mitchel, Kaylee Knight
23. First funeral you attended? I don't remember if I went to the funeral but I remember the first time I experienced death of a loved one. It was my grandpa's brother Francis Lyman, I was 3 or 4. I got him and my grandpa confused so he was like a grandpa to me.
24. Who was your first kiss? Adam Lacy
25. What is the first thing you do when you get on the computer? E-mail, Blog, Facebook, Bank Account. Not necessarily in that order.

I tag everyone! It's fun to try and remember stuff. You don't think you'd ever forget any of it until you're asked to actually think about it. It was fun! Give it a try!

Stress, Sleepless Nights and Shopping

For some reason I feel more stressed than usual. If I take a good hard look at my life right now there really is not much different, so I am struggling to see why I feel this added amount of anxiety in my life. The last couple of nights I have not been able to sleep. I stay awake until 2 or 3 in the morning just lying in bed thinking about life. But if you were to ask me what I was thinking about I probably wouldn't be able to tell you because it's not anything specific. It's as if there are thousands of random thoughts coming from several areas in my life and they are all strung together in a pattern that makes absolutely no sense at all. I think about my job, my roomates, where I'm going to live in the next year, my friends, my dating life, my spirituality, my weaknesses, all the things I should be doing and I'm not, all the things that I am doing and shouldn't be...etc, and the list goes on and on. I guess to sum it all up I feel like my life is spinning and that I have lost control. I simply do not know where to begin to restore equilibrium in my life.

One thing about life that irritates me the most is that life, at least mine, is never in harmony. To decrease the amount of stress in my life I try my best to keep a healthy balance between all of the major pulls such as: work, social life, church and personal enrichment. But it is the trying to maintain that healthy balance that causes stress. I don't know if that really makes sense to anyone else but it does to me. It's a vicious cycle I tell you, just plain vicious.

I think most people feel, at least to some degree, stress in their life at all times. I know I do. But then the stress somehow builds up and I don't find a productive way to release it so then I stay up all night thinking about it. Now we all know that lack of sleep sure as heck doesn't help me relieve any amount of stress. So then it gets worse and worse and then suddenly, I crack. I break down. I lose it. This is where the crying spells come in. This is when I call my mom and best friend and through gut wrenching sobs I'll vent about all of the so called "problems" in my life. It is at this point that I'll begin to feel like nothing can go right and I don't know where I'm headed and nothing makes sense anymore. And then after all of this and a bottle of Ibuprofen later, it hits me. I realize what I must do to decrease me stress levels and give my ulcers a chance to relax. SHOPPING.

Why is it that in these moments of absolute vulnerability and weakness do I get a sudden urge to go shopping? What is it about shopping that gives me such an extraordinary feeling of self satisfaction? What is it about that exhilarating thrill of putting on those new pair of pants or that amazingly cute shirt that I bought at an awesome price that adds a little extra swing in my hips when I walk? Why is it that I can put on anything new and see myself differently in my mirror the next day, whether it be jeans, shoes, a shirt or even cute underwear? Why do I walk with a smile and more confidence because I "feel cuter". These are questions I have been trying to answer all my life and you know, I don't think I ever really want to know the answers, because it quite possibly can take out all the fun in it.

So here we have a classic case of PMS, whether that stands for PreMS, PresentMS or PostMS is irrelevant, because the feelings and reactions are the same regardless. Well I haven't hit the breakdown stage.......yet, but I am jumping ahead to the shopping stage. Tomorrow I will begin my quest to relieve some stress in my life. And then (big breath) a week from now my veil of denial will lift and I will realize I shouldn't have spent money I didn't have which will then cause anxiety. You see, it's a vicious cycle. Just plain vicious. Oh the joys of being a woman.

Staying Up Late

I am not a lover of going to bed early. Not one bit. It is boring, I miss out on all sorts of things with my friends and it feels like I'm being too responsible. Deep down inside I LOVE to stay up late. I don't know why but something about being up at all hours of the night is fun for me. It doesn't matter if I'm with one friend, seven friends or by myself just wasting time, it's fun. I would say I have always been this way and it got worse during the years I was living and going to school in Logan. The last semester I was there it got a lot better; I had a lot on my plate and I couldn't afford to stay up late, I needed the sleep. Then I went to China and although there were a few nights that I stayed up late with the girls, more often than not I was in bed no later than 10:30. I have maintained, for the most part, this bedtime since I got back.....until recently. The last month or so I've found myself staying up later and later but instead of getting strict with myself and going to bed early, it just keeps getting worse. Despite the fact that I am getting on average less hours of sleep than usual I feel just about the same at work. Whether I sleep 9 hours or 5, I have the same amount of energy at work and after, so I guess going to bed late doesn't really matter then does it? Wrong.

My energy levels may not seem to suffer because of lack of sleep but there are two very important things that do tend to suffer when I get into this bad habit and that is 1) my scripture study becomes either really short or nonexistent. 2) my nightly prayers seem to go on forever because I fall asleep half way through and I never end them, or as I am laying in my bed talking myself into getting on my knees, what seems like 5 minutes later, my alarm clock rings in the new day.

Now I know there just HAS to be a solution for this. I can move my scripture study time to sometime earlier in the day so I don't have to worry about it as I am crawling into bed. So that solves one problem but as for the other, I'm not really sure what to do. I don't mean to not say my prayers. I just need more self discipline I guess. OR I could just go to bed earlier so that when I pray right before bed it will be at a decent time when my brain is actually on and functioning. And that brings us full circle; back to going to bed early which as I explained before, is not my most favorite thing in the whole world. (sigh)

I Am So Blessed

I'd like to think that I am aware of how good my life is but every once in a while a strong impression hits me and reminds me how lucky I am. I love my family more than life and I am so lucky to have been born into the family that I was. Growing up things weren't always peaches and cream; my siblings and I would fight a lot just like most kids within families but now that we are all a bit older we have developed really strong relationships. Right now we are all four on different playing fields. Mason is on a mission, Ryan is right in the middle of high school drama, Ciara is in the awkward stage between middle school and high school when you're trying to figure out exactly who you are, and I am away from home making ends meet in Provo. I can't wait until we have all grown up and are married with kids, it will be so fun to have us all on the same page again.

Over the years I have had several conversations about family and the different relationships, situations and traditions we all have. I always come away from these conversations feeling so lucky that I have such a great family. I can't tell you how many of my roomates and friends don't have good relationships with their brothers and sisters and their parents. I find that so sad. My parents are honestly two of my best friends! When anything happens in my life my mom and dad are at the top of the list of people I need to call and tell them about it. Whenever I need advice it is my parents I turn to. I was never one of those really stubborn teenagers who thought I knew more than my parents. My parents have ALWAYS been smarter and wiser than me. I'm not saying my parents and I haven't had tension in our relationship but I have always loved and respected them as my parents and they have always loved me, trusted me and believed in me when no one did.

Out of all the conversations I've had on family, there is one difference between my family and others that stands out more than anything else and that is the relationship between the mother and the father. It has often been said that the best gift a father can give to his children is to love their mother and I honestly believe that! This is a gift that my dad gave me when I was very young and he never lets me forget it. As a kid it was really embarrassing to see my parents kissing in the kitchen or cuddling up on the couch and it weirded me out when they "went away" for the weekend every once in a while. But now that I am older there are no words to express my gratitude. I have had many friends tell me they have never seen their parents show expressions of love to each other. They've never seen their dad do a single dish to help their mother, never saw them find a common hobby and enjoy doing it together, and have never heard the beautiful words of "I love you" spoken between their parents, some said their parents rarely speak to each other much less say I love you. My heart reaches out to those people who, as a child, didn't know if their parents loved each other.

I am so blessed to have a family that is sealed together. I am so blessed to be able to call my brothers and sister my friend. I am so blessed to know that my parents love me and would do anything for me. I am so blessed to know that my parents love each other and have set such a good example of the way I want my husband to treat me, the way I should treat him in return and the kind of marriage I should strive to attain. I am so blessed to be in a family that loves each other and where some of my best memories have been when spending and enjoying our time together. I am so blessed.

Secret Admirer

So on Friday night I was sitting around with a couple of friends and at 12:03 (officially Valentine's Day) we get a knock at the door. It's not very often that people come around my apartment and especially that late at night. So this was definitely out of the ordinary. So we answer the door just like most Americans, we yell "COME IN!".......nothing. So we yell again, "COME IN!".....nothing. Then Nate, one of the guys there gets up and answers the door and no one is there but clipped to my door is this cute little note. I was really surprised. So I take the card and open it up and this is what I find inside:

Now, tell me, does this make sense to anyone else? The front of the card is green which is my favorite color so maybe that can pass but the inside being yellow with a duck drawn on it? Really? Just a reminder, in case any of you forgot, yellow and green are NOT Valentines Day colors. But then again, maybe it was the only color of cardstock that was available and being a poor college student couldn't go out and buy some different colors. So in that light I will ignore the fact that the colors are wrong and accept the nice gesture. Nevertheless, I was very confused. But it gets even better, I then close it and this is on the back:

At first this may look like an attempt to draw the Hallmark crown but if you look really close there is a little "mini Moroni", if you will, on top of that crown, or is it a temple? Yeah, my thoughts exactly. Only in Provo. So there I am, sitting and reading this card while the people in the room are asking me who it's from, so I show them the card and they are all as confused as I am. Well, my conclusions at this time were this: 1) This card was made by more than one person. Because the hand writting that wrote my name on the front and the Secret Admirer part on the back of the card was different and more girly than the rest of it, so the culprit is at least one guy with a girl accomplice. 2) I have a couple guy friends in the area and I won't mention any names but if you knew them at all, especially one in particular, this card has his name written ALL over it. This flower was also attached to the note.

Now, my guess on who "they" were may or may not be correct, but I'm not really that concerned with finding out. The whole thing was fun while it lasted.

Valentine's Day of Yesterday

So tomorrow is Valentine's Day but because it falls on a Saturday, at the school we celebrated the holiday today. I planned a whole bunch of games, I bought some fun treats for the morning snack, I even made cute little valentines for each of the kids who were there today. Although the noise level of the day seemed a lot higher than usual I quite enjoyed myself. It was so fun for me to see how excited the kids were to hand out their valentines to everyone. I had the Charlie Brown's Valentines Day DVD and figured they would love it because they loved Charlie Brown's Thanksgiving, so why not Valentine's Day right? I'm sure that on any other day they would have sat and happily watched the whole 25 minutes of Charlie Brown's Valentines Day, but not today; because they had been told all morning that handing out valentines would happen after the rest time after lunch. So the movie was drowned out by the sound of children wrestling eachother, laughing for no reason, jumping up and down, and the constant nagging of "when will the movie be over?" So I turned it off and let them hand out their valentines, after which we just moved them along outside to run around a bit and burn some energy. As crazy and as hectic as it seemed right in the middle of the day I couldn't help but take a few moments to look at the faces of each child and see the look of pure happiness as they decorated their valentine boxes, told eachother that they loved them, and had a look of satisfaction when the heart they drew actually looked like a heart. (they've been practicing for weeks)

I found myself thinking about my past Valentine's Day experiences and remember thinking Valentine's Day was the best holiday to celebrate at school because I loved to decorate my box and write my name on each valentine and give 'special' valentines to my closest friends and the cutest boy in my class. We always took the whole day off of school and spent the day playing games, making valentines, icing cookies and watching movies. It was so fun. There is nothing better than Valentines Day as a child, I mean, who wouldn't be thrilled to take home a whole box of candy. And valentines candy was better than Halloween candy because it was cuter.

After I got home tonight I started thinking more about all the Valentine's Days in my past and it hit me that last year I was in China for Valentine's Day. I was on a 40 hour train ride from Hell going from Beijing back to Shenzhen and then from there a two hour bus ride to the school. It was miserable while in the moment but I was with girls who would become some of my best friends and it was a Valentine's Day I'll never forget. But that's not what I see when I envision Valentine's Day in China, I see the kids. I have been in a rather melancholy mood since then. I remember the cards that they made and the looks on their faces as we tried to explain what Valentine's Day was. I love those kids. Not a day goes by that I don't think about China in some way or another. The screensaver on my computer is a slideshow of my China pictures and it always makes my heart ache, but a happy ache, if that is possible. It's a bittersweet feeling as I look at pictures and remember my time there. Happy that I did it, and that I learned so much and developed so many relationships but sad because I know that most likely I'll never go back. I close my eyes and take me back there and it almost feels real sometimes, but then I bump my computer and the slideshow ends.

As I thought about all my past Valentine's Days I can remember almost every one and who I was with, the things that we did, the cards I received and the words that were said. Some say Valentine's Day is a.k.a "Single Awareness Day" and I was one of those people for awhile but this year I think I've come to realize that Valentine's Day whether you're single, married, widowed or a small child, is about letting those you love know that you love them, and I wish it came around more than once a year. HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!!

Tagged by Mallory

Bucket List Tag. The rules are to put an X by everything you have done and then answer the questions at the end.

Swam in the ocean X
Gone to Washington DC
Gone on a blind date X
Skipped school X
Watched someone die X
Been to Canada
Been to Mexico
Been to Florida X
Been to a foreign country X
Been on a plane X
Been lost X
Been on the opposite side of the country X
Cried yourself to sleep X
Played cops and robbers X
Recently colored with crayons X
Sang Karaoke X
Paid for a meal with coins only X
Skipped out without paying for a meal
Done something you told yourself you wouldn't? X
Made prank phone calls X
Caught a snowflake on your tongue X
Watched the northern lights dance
Danced in the rain X
Written a letter to Santa Claus X
Been kissed under the mistletoe
Watched the sunrise with someone X
Watched the sunset with someone X
Blown bubbles X
Can hula hoop? X
Gone ice-skating X
Been skinny dipping outdoors X
Gone to the movie's ALONE
Gone to a horror movie and laughed through it

1. Any nicknames? Some call me Chan, and then Flo which I'm not a huge fan of.
2. Mother's name? Pam
3. Favorite drink? MILK and juice
4. Body Piercing? one hole in each ear
5. How much do you like your job? It totally depends on the day, 50-50 for sure
6. Dad's name? Joe
7. Favorite vacation? Going to Disney Land with the family was fun, going to the Bahamas with the fam was pretty awesome but I would have to say that going to Beijing and seeing the Great Wall wins by a hair.
8. Ever eaten cookies for dinner? Yes
9. Ever eaten mud? Yes, when I was kid. I made pud pies and I'm sure I really ate them.
10. Ever been on TV? Yes, I've been on the news once or twice in my day
11. Ever steal any traffic signs? Me? do something illegal?......I don't know what you're talking about. Ok, I have.
12. Ever been in a car accident? fender benders but nothing serious.
14. Can you drive a standard car? Absolutely, it's funner.
15. Favorite pie? Not a fan of pie but occasionally at Thanksgiving I'll have myself a slice of apple or razzleberry.
16. Favorite number? 435-678-2400 - That's my home phone number, it's the best number whenever I need anything.
17. Favorite movie? I LOVE movies, there is no way I could possibly choose a favorite, but the one I'm looking forward to watching next week is Charlie Brown's Valentines Day!
18. Favorite dessert? Brownies, ice cream, but not together. I'm kind of weird about certain foods touching.
19. Book on CD or regular book? I love the Harry Potter books.
20. Favorite food? I don't have a favorite, but the thing I've been craving the most lately is pork and shrimp dumplings, tomatoe and egg and rice from the best little restuarant in the city I lived in in China. yummm.......my mouth is watering just typing it, it's crazy good!
21. Favorite day of the week? I love the weekend in general but Sunday is my favorite day of the weekend.
22. Favorite brand of body wash? Soap
23. Favorite toothpaste? The minty kind, is that specific enough?
24. Favorite smells? Rain, Acqua Di Gio for Men, clean laundry, my parents house
25. How do you relax? Take a nap, watch a movie, go on a walk
26. How do you see yourself in 10 years? Happy and healthy, married to my best friend who is the hero in our children's life.
27. Furthest you will send this message? Blanding
28. Who will respond to this the fastest? There is a prize for the winner, on your mark, get set......GO!
29. What is your favorite breed of dog? No opinion, I like little dogs though, they are cute.
30. Like to celebrate by going out or staying in? Both, I love to go out with family and/or friends and then head back in for movies, games, conversation, it's all good.

Now I tag, Rachel and Kendra

Sick and tired of being sick and tired

I think it would be safe to say that I caught some kind of cold/sinus viral infection around the end of October and I haven't been free of it for longer than a few days in between long spells of not being able to breathe....not cool. I'm not really sure what the deal is. My whole life I have been the one that never gets sick. My whole family would get the flu or strep throat or whatever and low and behold I would walk through the fire unscathed. So it has me completely puzzled that 1. I got sick in the first place and 2. that I didn't get over it in less than a week. OK, it's not a completely mystery; the fact is, I am surrounded by children all day and it's beginning to take a toll on my immune system. If I had to base whether or not I'm going to keep working at the day care on one thing, the whole always being sick thing is enough of a reason for me to put this job behind me. It's sad, but true. I've almost forgotten what it's like to breathe without decongestive medicines, not have eye drops, a bag of cough drops and nasal spray on hand at all times and not go through a box of tissues a week. It will be a blessed day indeed when I can wake up in the morning and be able to breathe.